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Joshua is the brother of Ignatious #147

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I met Ignatious  last year at my uncle's home in Kingstown, St Vincent.

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Handsome 9 year old Reece is the son of my cousin Phil. He and my son met up for exactly one day during the vacation and played together all day like they had known each other from birth. Love my Canouan family. 

Wow! I know, it seems like I just dropped the ball on this project haven't I? Explanations and apologies are over on my other blog if you care to read about it here.

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A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But...there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that's how awful the loss is - Neugeboren 1976

Today is Mother's Day and I find my thoughts turning toward a mother that I do not know but whose pain and grief are the stuff of my nightmares. If you have children you know what I mean. Those late at night moments when you lie awake in a cold sweat worrying about real and imagined horrors that might befall your children and against which you are powerless to protect them.

Lucas' dad is brother to Jonathan #126. I took this picture of Lucas last year. It's just an ordinary image that does little to convey his cherub, gentle, spirit. Just a boy tired from a day playing in the sun,  drinking his juice with his sister (not in the shot) but nearby. I wanted to take a few more photos but we didn't know each other well enough for him to open up to me. Still he was sweet and polite and looked directly at me. Not wanting to force a moment by asking him to pose, I moved off to photograph other kids who were playing nearby, thinking that I would undoubtedly get my shot of him another time.

This past January hanging out with friends I took pictures of some of their children. Once again Lucas was unavailable to me because he spent most of the day with the other boys splashing about in the pool. Boys and water are not a good combination for camera lenses so once again I told myself that I would take his picture another time.

There would not be another time. Lucas died in a car accident on Carnival Tuesday.

Lucas has forced me to face an unpleasant truth. You see, I am a worrier. I'm the helicopter mom who hovers about her child trying to sniff out every possible danger at every possible situation before allowing my kids to participate. Honestly I am ridiculous. The swim club Aunties have even banned me from accompanying my child to the pool. He goes with his dad. This tragedy has made me look at my fears differently. I understand that I don't control the universe. Would that I could but despite a parent's best efforts, random and senseless things just happen.

Should something happen to my own children tomorrow would I prefer my memories to be of them sitting on the side lines of life crippled by my fears? Or, will I prefer to have memories of a life they fully lived.

I looked at all the pictures of Lucas on Facebook. He is there with his sister, his uncle, his mom, his grand-dad Vladimir #127 . He is splashing in the small pool at Rampanalagas, visiting a horse farm, having a time in Tobago, sticking a bright orange tongue out to the camera. All testament to the fact that his life though short was full. Full of laughter and love. Ironically it is this love that makes his premature departure so difficult to accept.

To his parents, I'm thinking of you both today. My prayer is not that you find the strength to get over this, you won't; you can't.  However I pray God gives you the strength to survive and go on and maybe one day even enjoy some sense of normalcy.

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Birthday parties are a blur of children but this youngster's wonderful caramel coloured eyes definitely got my attention. Destined to be a heart breaker that's for sure.

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Aidan started off rather shy and not wanting to let go of Teddy. He eventually warmed to the camera but this one remains my favourite shot because how could you not love a boy and his brave Teddy. Too adorable!

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Zaidyn's dad is the youngest brother of a close friend of mine.

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This little cutie clung to his dad, Matt (#108) when he first arrived but once he got in with the other kids there was no stopping him. I honestly don't think I've ever seen another 2 year old share and take turns as well as he did.

39

This little one performed a beautiful lion dance with his brother (#41) at the fundraiser tea party for Suzette. I only had the one portrait lens with me so unfortunately I couldn't fit the lion's head part of the costume into the shot :-(  I'm adding a bigger camera bag to my already over long photography wish dream list. That way I can carry around more than one lens.

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I never tire of the beautiful multiracial people of this country. When I was pregnant with my first son people would ask me what I thought he might look like. Would he have brown skin like his daddy or my fair colouring? Maybe he would get his grandfather's green eyes or perhaps my curly hair. What indeed? I suppose it is natural for every first time mom to dream about what her child might look like. I didn't. My son is a mix of Indian, French, Portuguese, Amerindian and African. There is no way in a million years I could imagine what all of that combined might look like. The mom of this little cutie may have had the same problem as he is also a multiracial kid. Incidentally I'm glad I didn't waste my time as never in a million years would I have guessed that my newborn son would look Chinese!

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Scott is is 22 months and unless you want to inflict a serious bout of indigestion on yourself you wouldn't want to take him to a resatuarant. I swear those are his mom's words not mine! 

Scott is younger brother to Luke (#35) below. The kids were all given Siamese Fighting fish as party favours (such a cool idea). Scott swapped his blue fighter for his brother Luke's red one. Because anything your brother owns is always better right? It could be an uglier, non-functioning piece of junk so long as big brother has it, younger one WILL want it!

You can't see the behind the scenes drama but Scott actually has a death grip on the bag with big brother's fish. Big brother Luke is at my right shoulder yelling, "M-O-O-O-O-O-M! He's got my fish!" Mom is behind me trying to calm Luke and get Scott to look at the camera. Scott doesn't understand what all the fuss is about. All he knows is that, "Fissy, mine!" and he's not letting go. I love his expression.

Look at that sweet but determined face. So tell me would YOU take Scott to a restaurant? Scott's mom Michelle (#33) dares ya!

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This is (#33) Michelle's son. I was quite taken with his eyes. They are such a lovely caramel brown. Oh lordy, how do you tell this face and those eyes no? Mom puhleaseeee may I?
Son, this is the look that will get you the puppy, the car and the girl!

Yeah, I think he knows it too.

28

I wanted to eat this one up he was such a dumpling, so nice and chuff chuff. Stealing him was out of the question tho cause dad wasn't letting go. Darn.

27

So sad.

"He doesn't smile." said his mom (#26)

"He doesn't smile." said his sister (#25)

He didn't smile. Okay so that's not entirely true as he did eventually give a hint of a smile.