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Joshua is the brother of Ignatious #147

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I met Ignatious  last year at my uncle's home in Kingstown, St Vincent.

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Handsome 9 year old Reece is the son of my cousin Phil. He and my son met up for exactly one day during the vacation and played together all day like they had known each other from birth. Love my Canouan family. 

Wow! I know, it seems like I just dropped the ball on this project haven't I? Explanations and apologies are over on my other blog if you care to read about it here.

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A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But...there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that's how awful the loss is - Neugeboren 1976

Today is Mother's Day and I find my thoughts turning toward a mother that I do not know but whose pain and grief are the stuff of my nightmares. If you have children you know what I mean. Those late at night moments when you lie awake in a cold sweat worrying about real and imagined horrors that might befall your children and against which you are powerless to protect them.

Lucas' dad is brother to Jonathan #126. I took this picture of Lucas last year. It's just an ordinary image that does little to convey his cherub, gentle, spirit. Just a boy tired from a day playing in the sun,  drinking his juice with his sister (not in the shot) but nearby. I wanted to take a few more photos but we didn't know each other well enough for him to open up to me. Still he was sweet and polite and looked directly at me. Not wanting to force a moment by asking him to pose, I moved off to photograph other kids who were playing nearby, thinking that I would undoubtedly get my shot of him another time.

This past January hanging out with friends I took pictures of some of their children. Once again Lucas was unavailable to me because he spent most of the day with the other boys splashing about in the pool. Boys and water are not a good combination for camera lenses so once again I told myself that I would take his picture another time.

There would not be another time. Lucas died in a car accident on Carnival Tuesday.

Lucas has forced me to face an unpleasant truth. You see, I am a worrier. I'm the helicopter mom who hovers about her child trying to sniff out every possible danger at every possible situation before allowing my kids to participate. Honestly I am ridiculous. The swim club Aunties have even banned me from accompanying my child to the pool. He goes with his dad. This tragedy has made me look at my fears differently. I understand that I don't control the universe. Would that I could but despite a parent's best efforts, random and senseless things just happen.

Should something happen to my own children tomorrow would I prefer my memories to be of them sitting on the side lines of life crippled by my fears? Or, will I prefer to have memories of a life they fully lived.

I looked at all the pictures of Lucas on Facebook. He is there with his sister, his uncle, his mom, his grand-dad Vladimir #127 . He is splashing in the small pool at Rampanalagas, visiting a horse farm, having a time in Tobago, sticking a bright orange tongue out to the camera. All testament to the fact that his life though short was full. Full of laughter and love. Ironically it is this love that makes his premature departure so difficult to accept.

To his parents, I'm thinking of you both today. My prayer is not that you find the strength to get over this, you won't; you can't.  However I pray God gives you the strength to survive and go on and maybe one day even enjoy some sense of normalcy.

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Birthday parties are a blur of children but this youngster's wonderful caramel coloured eyes definitely got my attention. Destined to be a heart breaker that's for sure.

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This little lovely is my god-daughter. Here we have the pink hat again but Natassia decided to add earrings to the mix. Do you know of any little girl that doesn't like to play dress-up?

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Katelyn is pint-sized so when she came out in Aunty Joanne's oversized hat, it was absolutely time to whip out the camera. Katelyn is big sister to Kellan (#37)  and they both have the same large, dreamy eyes.

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Aidan started off rather shy and not wanting to let go of Teddy. He eventually warmed to the camera but this one remains my favourite shot because how could you not love a boy and his brave Teddy. Too adorable!

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Shannon is 5 and just as adorable as her big sis. I was quite taken with both girls and of course my camera loved them. Shannon was a little more interested in playing dress up with her pretty necklace. Still I found that both she and her sister were the easiest kids I have ever photographed.

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9 year old Leigh-Anna is Tessa's (#113) daughter. She looks a lot like her dad but that nose is unmistakably her mom's. She is very artistic and wow can she hold a pose so it is a bit ironic that the picture I chose  is one of her in an unguarded moment. She wants to model and already has done a professional photo shoot for a clothing company. She had with her a doodle pad. On one page there was the writing prompt I wish... Can you guess Leigh-Anna's wish?  She wrote, I wish I lived in Trinidad.  Awwwwww, so do I hon:-)

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Jada was chillin' in her stroller while her mom shopped.

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Isabella and I had a nice chat while she ate her ice-cream cone. She used to have a dog named Zero but had to get rid of him because he was too much trouble so now she has a cat named Rocket. Quite understandably she was a lot more interested in her ice-cream than she was in having her picture taken. Yet, she was such a good sport about it, even though she really hates taking pictures because her mom takes pictures of her all the time, and it bugs her, cause it's usually when she is in the middle of something fun.

My own son runs in the other direction whenever the camera comes out which made me think, how many photos do you have of yourself at this age? There are maybe ten of me at this age while I probably have 100 of my son in his first week of life alone. Kids today must be under a lot of stress in this digital age of parent paparazzi. So yes I did notice that the focus in this picture was off but I decided to cut her a break and leave her to her ice-cream.

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I am always impressed with youngsters who can confidently relate to adults with the right amount of camaraderie yet respect.  Sydney is very attentive and takes the responsibility of being a big sister to Dylan (#86)  quite seriously.   Her mum Nicole (#89) shared some amusing anecdotes about her. From these stories I gather that Sydney is a determined young lady with very creative problem solving abilities. She is extremely resourceful will find or make a way!

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Sweetness. And that's all that needs to be said about Dylan. Mum let me hold her and honestly I just breathed in all that baby softness and delicious baby smell. She is hands down the most calm and and contented baby I have ever met. Makes me think that maybe, just maybe....heh heh. I can dream, can't I?

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You have already met Helina (#40) , this is Liam.

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This little one performed a beautiful lion dance with his brother (#41) at the fundraiser tea party for Suzette. I only had the one portrait lens with me so unfortunately I couldn't fit the lion's head part of the costume into the shot :-(  I'm adding a bigger camera bag to my already over long photography wish dream list. That way I can carry around more than one lens.

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I never tire of the beautiful multiracial people of this country. When I was pregnant with my first son people would ask me what I thought he might look like. Would he have brown skin like his daddy or my fair colouring? Maybe he would get his grandfather's green eyes or perhaps my curly hair. What indeed? I suppose it is natural for every first time mom to dream about what her child might look like. I didn't. My son is a mix of Indian, French, Portuguese, Amerindian and African. There is no way in a million years I could imagine what all of that combined might look like. The mom of this little cutie may have had the same problem as he is also a multiracial kid. Incidentally I'm glad I didn't waste my time as never in a million years would I have guessed that my newborn son would look Chinese!